Day 16: Hue Day 1

Since we already had a day in Hoi An yesterday we decided to sleep in this morning. We weren't leaving until 1 p.m. and didn't have to be out of the hotel room until noon, so why not? Food service being what it is (read: slow as hell) we checked out at 11 a.m. so we could get some food in us for the bus ride ahead.

We searched restaurants on TripAdvisor and found one that was easy to find. I had pork wantons with homemade sweet and sour "sauce", which as you might remember was my favorite dish last night at the cooking class. And you know what? I liked mine better. I can't wait to make this at home! I also had a chocolate "milkshake", which was more like the best glass of chocolate milk ever, on steroids. I am very, very wary of their dairy here (milk is not refrigerated!) but it was well worth chancing gastrointestinal problems, which luckily never arrived. It was amazingly delish.

We left for a 4 hour drive to Hue, which is farther north in Vietnam. We drove through beautiful, picturesque mountains. These are the mountains that the Top Gear guys traveled on their motorbikes - I beg of you to watch that video if you haven't already! It was breathtaking, and not half as scary as some of our tour mates made it out to be. Guard rails and a reasonable speed do not a death defying drive make.

About half way through the mountains we stopped at an abandoned American bunker for panoramic views of the river (not sure which) and to buy some seriously cheap - real - pearl jewelry. All of us girls were told by the hawkers we "look way younger" than we are (ha!) but I wasn't in the mood for shopping. Though I see < $10 pearls in my near future.

Just as we were entering Hue I was snoozing and felt the driver SLAM on the brakes and lay on the horn. Marv saw what caused this reaction, and apparently we were very, VERY close to running over a 5 year old child. I shudder to think what the hell would have happened had we hit it. This was an early, and valuable, lesson to learn about the traffic in Hue. It's nowhere near as civilized as it is down south.

We only had 1 day in Hue so we had to make the most of it. Right away we rented a boat to take us down the river (again, not sure which) to see the city skyline. We even bought a few beers to bring with us for the 1-hour ride, because that's how we do. Imagine my elation at finding ice cold Budweiser in the store! Sadly, it was about as Budweiser-y as a can of spent motor oil so I'm glad I only bought one. Budweiser FAIL, sad for me.

As luck would have it we left for the boat tour right at sunset, which starts at the ridiculously early hour of 6 p.m., which my northern dwelling self can't get used to.
It was a beautiful, pleasant ride despite them trying to sell us nick nacky stuff the entire trip. It's an annoying fact of life being here.

As we were disembarking the boat we had to walk a plank to get from the boat to dry land, and as I was concentrating on not falling off the plank I rammed my face into a rusty sheet of corrugated metal that was conveniently located at face level. It hurt, yes, but it seriously freaked me out because had it been located a few inches lower there's no doubt in my mind I'd be blind in my right eye. I hit that sucker hard. Lucky for me it hit my forehead (which is weird since my eyebrow hurt) and lucky for me I just got my tetanus shot updated before I came. I got a little cut on my forehead so Marv has taken to calling me "Scar Face", since he's loving and supportive like that.

We then went out to dinner and for drinks at a bar called DMZ, which stands for Demilitarized Zone for those of you not down on your Vietnamese history. Sadly, it was my dear friend Amanda's wedding day back in North Dakota which I could not be there for, so I called her as she was getting ready for her big day. I hope she had a super fabulous day, and knows that I will celebrate with her as soon as I am able!

We hit the DMZ a little bit harder than we should have (story of our lives, right?) since tomorrow will hold yet another motorbike tour for us!

Day 15: Hoi An Day 2

Our hotel in Hoi An looks like one of the best we've had so far, and probably would be if you are deaf. There's construction going on and it is LOUD in the very early morning. Pre 8 a.m. early. Suck.

So we were up by 10 through no choice of our own, got ready and went off to lunch at the #3 TripAdvisor rated restaurant in town. I really don't know how people traveled, much less ate on vacation, before TripAdvisor. Great site!

Just the two of us went to lunch, and I don't remember the last time we ate alone. Part of the reason I wanted to do an organized tour is so I would have other people besides Marv to entertain me for 4 weeks. It was nice, and Marv ate his darling little octopus.

We hogged out (2 frufru drinks, 2 Diet Cokes, a bottle of water, 2 starters and 2 main courses) for a tish under $23. I can't get over the affordability of this place!

I was quoted by the tailors that my jacket would be ready at 2:00 p.m. and since we were in the area I swung by at 1:30 to see if it was ready. Unfortunately it wasn't - the suspense is killing me! The girls at the tailor shop were laying down under a fan, as far as they could get from the open store front, so we knew it's not just us trying to stay away from the heat in the afternoons. We took this as a sign to go back to the hotel and bask in the A/C.

When the sun settled down a bit it was time for me to 1. Fetch my fab new winter jacket and 2. Go to the cooking class I had signed up for. It seems like a lot of restaurants in town do cooking classes, so myself and 3 other girls decided to attend one at the restaurant where we had dinner last night.

First things first, here is my jacket! It turned out even better than I expected. It's deep purple wool, brassy gold snap buttons and lining that is lime-ish green (but not lime green). My choice of color combo shocked the girls working at the tailor shop and my tour leader Amy, but the craziness of it was exactly what I was going for - I wanted something that you just won't find anywhere else. I think it looks awesome!

It was then time to cook my own dinner - and pay for the privlege of doing so. Since 1 of the 4 of us at the cooking class doesn't like seafood we got to double the variety of dishes we cooked by adding chicken and beef to the fish and squid. We (loving, by hand) made:

-vegetable spring rolls
-sweet & sour "sauce" (more like salsa) to go over pre-made pork wantons
-fried squid with lemongrass, garlic & chili
-fried chicken with lemongrass, garlic & chili
-macrel cooked in banana leaves
-beef cooked in banana leaves

Everything was good but my favorite thing was the sweet and sour sauce over pork wantons. The sauce was really easy to make so I plan to make it again in the future. It was all super labor intensive! Everything had to be cut very finely and we spent a good 2 hours cooking. I had a great time - entertainment with dinner included for $15. You can't beat that!


Speaking of food: I have been in Asia for exactly 2 weeks now and have not seen one single McDonald's.

There is hope for the world yet!

Day 14: Hoi An Day 1

Our night train was supposed to arrive at 10 a.m. but of course it was 11:15 before we got there. We got on a private bus and drove the half hour to our hotel, which thankfully was ready for us to check in. The last shower being in a crummy pool shower we immediately hopped in and washed the stink off ourselves.

We then departed for the most traditional food I expect to eat on our journey. Traditional, in this instance, being code word for unhygienic. We handmade our own spring rolls out of sheets of rice paper, veggies, fried shrimp, pork and chicken. They were quite tasty, especially the mysterious dipping sauce that came with it. The unhygienic part being that the server ladies would grab sheets of rice paper - rice paper we would later eat - and repeatedly show us how to stuff and roll it. I don't know why I ate the rolls that came from their questionably clean hands (I didn't want to be rude) but I would pay for this decision later. Pay dearly, if you catch my drift.

Hoi An is the hottest and most humid place we have been so far. After lunch we could literally do nothing else but drag ourselves back to the hotel and lay in the air conditioned room. Mid-day is not the time to do stuff, that is for sure. I am proud to report that I did not nap, but Marv crashed like the dead.

Once 5 p.m. hit we thought it would be a reasonable temperature so we headed out to explore the town. We sat at a river side restaurant and enjoyed some frufru, non-alcoholic drinks, which I have declared to be my "new thing". They make a lot of shakes and juices from exotic things here and I rarely pass up the chance to drink something tasty. Drinking calories is a great idea, on vacation only.

Hoi An's main industry is tourism or, more specifically, hundreds and hundreds of tailor shops that hand make any and everything a westerner could want. A few of the girls on our tour went buck wild, paying less than $200 for a ton of custom made clothing.

So, when dying of heat and humidity, what is at the forefront of my mind to purchase? A winter jacket, of course!

Many of the tailor shops have winter jackets on display and my old jacket, Isaac Mizrahi for Target ($30 on clearance, thankyouverymuch) is in dire need of replacement. I figured buying a jacket in the UK would be a very pricey affair, and I won't be back to the US during winter coat selling season, so this is my opportunity.

A few minutes of flipping through pictures, some quick measurements, and choosing the fabric colors and I was out of there in 10 minutes. I was even able to pay using my debt card - the ridiculously fab price of $45. Not as cheap as my Target jacket but this one is handmade just for me. It feels so extravagant! I am beyond excited to get my jacket - ready for pick up 17 hours after I placed the order.

Since we don't have to travel tomorrow we decided to hit the town hard. It was also our last night with our amazing new British friend David (you may remember him vomiting on the side of the road in the outskirts of Bangkok) so we had to see him off properly.

For my WeFest ladies: There was a group of people at the bar (British I assume - 90% of tourists seem to be British) playing Zumi Zumi! I interrupted their game screaming "I can't believe you guys know Zumi Zumi!" It made me smile and retell stories of our WeFesting days.

This was the kind of place that encourages graffiti on the walls, so I had to represent:



I'd love to know if any other upper Dakota natives have patronized this place before.

Day 13: Nha Trang Day 2

Our scheduled motorbike tour to "the" waterfall didn't start until noon so we took the opportunity to sleep as late as possible. Breakfast ended at the ridiculously early hour of 9 a.m. so we went without. We checked out of our room at noon (they were hassling us to get out at quarter to), put our luggage in the holding room and waited for our motorbikes to arrive.

So we waited and waited, a good 45 minutes before the bikes (and drivers for those not comfortable on their own) arrived. There were 9 of us on the trip, split between 6 bikes and 2 local drivers. I have never drove one before, and didn't want to clutch on to the back of a Vietnamese stranger, so I rode on Marv's bike, the rental of which cost $10.

The drive up to the waterfall took about an hour and a half. One of the bikes, thankfully not ours, got a flat tire - twice - so while we waited for them to catch up we stopped at a quaint little fishing village. The boats in the water were very cute but man did that town stink. It was horrendously fishy.

The drive there wasn't too harrowing, as traffic was light on the roads we traveled. We did see a semi truck tipped over in a ditch, though, which freaked me out. I didn't get a picture of it but the driver of that truck hopefully was wearing a seat belt. It was tipped over like a paper cup - scary sight!

It rained briefly at the end of our drive, which was miraculous judging by the ominous dark storm clouds positioned exactly over where we were headed. The weather gods were smiling down upon us so we only had to sport our fancy ponchos (polka dotted, most of them) for a brief part of the journey.

Once we got to the waterfall area we had to ditch our bikes and hike up the rest of the way. It started off easy enough like this:



But quickly devolved into this monstrosity:



We climbed our asses off around those rocks to get to the waterfalls, which turned out to be 3 separate waterfalls or "ho" as they are called in Vietnamese. This entertained me to no end, and will continue to do so forevermore. At least I had a sense of humor when I was huffing and puffing like a 90-year-old smoker.

We arrived at Ho 1 and immediately jumped in to cool off. The water was pretty cold which felt fabulous to our boiling hot selves. I don't have any pictures of us under the actual waterfall (ho) due to lack of a waterproof camera. It was awesome and the closest to nature I could ever hope to get.

We got back to sweating profusely and climbed up to Ho 2. Half of our party got back to swimming but I was finished at that point. We didn't have a towel so I had to do what I could to dry off. I hate wearing clothes while wet, but didn't have a choice.

It started sprinkling a tiny bit, which freaked out our "guides", or local ladies who were following us around, helping us navigate (and of course expect a tip for their services). We decided by their reaction not to travel to Ho 3 so we started back down the mountain towards our motorbikes.

Then the rain totally stopped. Instead of hauling ourselves back up past Ho 2 to get to Ho 3 we just chilled back at Ho 1. This time several of the guys did what we were too chicken to do when we first got there - jump off the rocks 50 feet above into the waterfall pool below. I was relaxing closer to the bottom when this happened, so didn't get to see this, but Marv bravely jumped and thankfully escaped a spinal injury.

It was about 4:30 p.m. when we decided to head back, which means we were hitting rush hour traffic on the way back in. It was much busier and much, much crazier driving on the way back in. The tipped over truck was still sitting in the ditch and it wasn't hard to see how or why that happened. Lanes of traffic aren't really used here, they are more gentle suggestions - that are immediately and blatantly ignored.

Marv being the excellent driver he is got us back to the hotel safely in one piece. We no longer had our hotel room so we had to shower in the pool shower, which felt absolutely amazing after a day of sweating and baking in the sun.

Before we left for dinner our tour guide Amy, who is Thai, was showing us videos of Thai lady boys on YouTube. All of the guys (the straight ones at least) agreed that "she" was the hottest chick they had ever seen. S/he was indeed a fine looking woman!

We went to dinner at a restaurant called Good Morning, Vietnam! which, surprisingly, served Italian food. It was quite expensive but I've found that, for my sanity, I have to eat Western food every few days. There's only so many noodles and rice I can consume without craving a big 'ol plate of western home cookin'. This reminded me I need to see Good Morning, Vietnam again. It's been probably 15 years since I saw it.

We were leaving for our night train at 10:30 p.m. and after dinner we only had a little over an hour to kill before we needed to go to the train station. I thought we'd have lots of time to kill today but we were quite busy/occupied the whole time.

We boarded our second night train of the trip and were saddened to see this train was roughly 5000% crappier than the last one. Everybody was beat from the day of Ho'ing so we were happy to crash as soon as the train departed at 11:00 p.m.

Sadly, there were no beer tower windows on this train.

Day 12: Nha Trang Day 1

Instead of staying in a hotel, getting up early and busing it to our next stop, Nha Trang, we took a night train from Point A to Point B. It is more fitting to call it a party wagon on tracks.

I had never taken a sleeper train before, but Marv has in China. Much like his previous trip we got down to partying immediately upon settling into our spacious 5' x 6' room (designed for 4 people). We bought out the cold beer supply at the station, which was just enough to tide us over until the beer selling cart came rolling through the train, which we promptly bought out.

There was a restaurant/bar carriage of the train where Marv went and made good friends with some drunken locals. Their communication consisted entirely of hand gestures and translating between English and Vietnamese on an iPhone. The guy was celebrating his recent casino win of $1,000 - almost his wife's entire yearly income. Marv bought the locals a round of beer in celebration of the guys good fortune.

The train departed HCMC at 8:05 p.m. and should have arrived to Nha Trang at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. Trains "are always late in Asia" so we didn't roll in until 5:30.

Yeah, not so fun when you got to bed at 2 a.m. and don't have a hotel room until 1 freaking p.m.

It should be mentioned we were in the "super deluxe" train compartment. There were people on this train who had to sit in airplane-like seats the whole night.
Here is the aftermath, we were aiming to fill the entire window but we only got 3 levels deep:



We got to our hotel to drop our bags off at 6, and since Nha Trang is a popular beach side location there were no rooms available for early check in. So this leaves us 7 hours with nothing to do and nowhere to go - on 2.5 hours of sleep. So not fun!

Our hotel has a pool and beach right next door so after dropping off our bags we high tailed it out of there in search of the best (meaning most sun-less) place to crash for the next 7 hours.

We were really, really fortunate to find a few beach chairs by the pool - completely shaded from the evil burning sky orb - which we immediately called dibs on. We snuggled in and promptly fell asleep. Mine didn't have a cushion but sleeping on rock hard wood with my purse as a pillow (and a towel for a blanket) was the best sleep I've gotten in a while.

Lucky for us a room became available at 11 a.m. so we were only left homeless for 5 hours instead of 7. We got a few more hours of sleep, so our "night" of sleep was pieced together in 3 parts between the hours of 2 a.m. and 2 p.m.

Once we rejoined the land of the living we headed out into the town in search of food. Google maps lead us astray, so we were in the least touristy party of town and it was a surprisingly difficult task. The place we eventually found had an array of frufru, non-alcoholic drinks. I had a banana/peanut shake - how crazy delish is that?! Total price of the meal per person: $3.

Nha Trang has the world's longest cable car that runs from the mainland out to an island. We were psyched to see the beautiful panoramic view of the city and ocean, until we realized you have to pay the entrance fee for their amusement park also, you can't just pay $5 for the cable car like you used to. Ergo, they lost our business. I'm not paying $15+ for a half hour of enjoyment. Boo to you, Vinpearl Land.

Instead a bunch of people went to the market, which is meant for locals, not tourists, but I stayed back to write this blog post for you. The thought of sweating my way through yet another market makes me want to stab my eyes out. However I am in search of a bag to carry our laptop, books, etc., so I need to start participating again in the market going. The ICA grocery bag I've been carrying for a week is starting to make me look ghetto with a capital G.

This is the first place I've noticed people really staring at us. In Chau Doc people would recognize us, grab their kids hands and force them to wave to us and say hi. I think the kids were just an excuse for the adults (always men) to wave to us. But it was sweet and they were friendly so we always returned big smiles and waves to them. It's good to finally be noticed for my good looks.

We went to dinner with the gang and Marv ate this whole fish. Afterwards we called it a night, as Marv didn't sleep much during our 3 installments of rest last "night" and I need to rest up for a big day tomorrow - motor biking to a waterfall! Also, another night train. Those rarely end well.

Day 11: Ho Chi Minh City Day 2

First thing Monday morning as the world went to work we went out of HCMC to tour the Củ Chi tunnels, which is a fascinating web of tiny underground tunnels that the South Vietnamese lived/hid in during the "American war".

The tour began with a short video, or blatant propaganda as I like to call it. The American soldiers were referred to, I kid you not, as "a bunch of evil devils" who indiscriminately shot at women and children. It was so over the top it would have been entertaining if it wasn't so hate filled.

Check out how small this entry hole to one of the tunnels:



There's no possible way we could've fit in that hole made for Vietnamese bodies so we didn't even try. Luckily for those crazy enough to crawl through the tunnels there were larger entrance holes available.



After "the worst experience of my life", crawling to the center of a pyramid in Egypt, I have learned a very valuable lesson about putting myself into uncomfortable underground, dark, airless situations. That lesson being: Don't do it. So I stayed above ground while Marv ventured down into the tunnels. He said it was barely wide enough to fit his hips, and he saw a spider (in the guides flashlight beam) so he jumped ship at the first available exit. I remain 100% satisfied with my decision to stay the hell away from that claustrophbic terror.

I was pretty excited to see one of these, casually left behind by the 'murikans:



Then I did something most people (thankfully) never, ever get to do. I shot an AK-47!



How awesome do I look with a gun?! It was really an awesome experience, even though I only got 4 bullets. They cost $1.50 each and it was totally worth it. Merv got in 7 shots:



He shot this gun before when he was in the military but it was still fun for him. Again, totally worth it.

Our Vietnamese tour guide was a translator for the American troops during the war. He worked side by side with the Americans for years, and really seems to love America. I asked him if he's ever visited before, which he has not, because it's so expensive. He said he'd love to get in touch with the American soldiers he knew during the war. He even remembered their names, unit numbers and APO address during the war, but "isn't good with the internet" and doesn't know how to get in touch with them.

Information being so available in 21st century, and my dad being a superstar historical researcher, I realized I can't in good conscience not help. So I got his business card (he uses email for work) and am going to put my dad on the case tracking down these Vietnam vets. I really, really hope we (ahem, my pa) can find some of these guys. It will buy me a lifetime of good karma, and I can't wait.

After getting back into HCMC we went to the famous Pho 2000 restaurant, famous because their pho soup is awesome and famous because a former president you may have heard of, Bill Clinton, has dined here before.

I can't for the life of me figure out why a country as hot as Vietnam loves hot soup so much, but the soup is indeed delicious. I just wish I could eat it on a cold Norwegian night, instead of a suffocatingly humid Vietnamese day.

Instead of checking out of our hotel room at 8:30 a.m. before our tunnel tour we decided to spend $13 (divided by 5 people) for a day room until 6 p.m. so we had someplace to shower and relax until we left on our overnight train out of HCMC.

Again, it was so worth the money, to be able to have an air conditioned place we could hang out and regroup after our hot and humid outdoor tour of the Củ Chi tunnels. We would need every minute of relaxation we could get before our first experience on the night train to come!

Day 10: Ho Chi Minh City Day 1

Today was another big travel day (every other day is, we're covering a lot of ground in a short period of time) so first thing in the morning we left Chau Doc for the capitol of South Vietnam, Saigon. Of course it should be noted that "South" Vietnam no longer exists and the city was renamed Ho Chi Minh City before I was even born.

The bus ride was supposed to take 7 hours but thanks to it being a Sunday we were able to zip through in about 5. We stopped for lunch but had to wait around a while since our bus broke and we had to wait for a mechanic to come, in the pouring rain no less, to come fix it. Thankfully we weren't delayed more than 45 minutes or so. Also thankfully, Marv didn't order the eel for lunch, as we saw where the poor little buggers were being kept, awaiting their destiny on a plate.

I never would have pegged Marv for an animal rights activist, thanks to his insatiable appetite for all things once alive, but these poor birds - still alive, tied at the feet, and dangled upside down for sale as dinner - struck a cord with PETA's newest member.

So the 'ol softie coughed up $1 USD to buy one (he was expecting the whole bunch for that price, when in reality a local probably would have gotten such a deal) and set the little fella fee. See how cute he is?

Unfortunately for Mr. Bird his wings appeared to be clipped and he couldn't escape the tree he was set free in. So, odds are by now he's become the tasty treat of a cat or dog, instead of a human. At least we can blame that on the food chain.

I watched the season finale of Glee on the bus and cried my way through the whole damn episode. I don't know what it is about that show but man am I an emotional wreck when I watch it. Anybody else? I hope I'm not a freak. It's so, so awesome.

Once we got to HCMC (I'm too lazy to type it out from here on out) we took a quick trip through the market closest to our hotel. I've got to be honest, after the 200th market you feel like you've seen them all, especially when luggage space doesn't allow for many purchases. They're hotter than the center of the sun and stink to high heaven thanks to the raw food section of the market. Not to mention this one was quite touristy and expensive, though it took a good among of will power for me to step away from the gorgeous grey Marc Jacbos handbag, which is about as authentic as Heidi Montag's triple D's.

Then it was time to meet our new tour members, or The Newbs as I have come to call them. We've got 2 British couples, 2 British girls (who came together) and 2 German guys (who came together). I was scared I'd feel like the old lady who lived in her shoes being on this tour in a couple but we're one of many so I don't feel bad at all. Marv & I don't even bother sitting together at meals anymore...there's more interesting people to talk to - ha!

Then it was off for some hello/goodbye drinks to see the old group members out and The Newbs in. We found a place with 2-for-1 beers but the catch is you have to walk up 5 flights of stairs to get the deal. So walk we did!

In one night Marv tried local red wine, whisky, rum (spelled rhum) and vodka and, amazingly, was able to get up the next morning and walk upright. The best of the 4 being the r(h)um and the worst the "disgusting" Dalat red wine.

Blasphemy, there's no such thing as bad red wine!